(Satirical) Student with no arms dress coded for shorts not being fingertip length

Matt Simpson

On Monday at Oxford High School, sophomore Shanda Lier was dress coded for her excessively short trousers.

“I was walking through the halls and a teacher saw my outfit and stopped me immediately,” Lier said. “He asked me if my shorts were fingertip length.”

Lier was in a tragic car accident her freshman year. Both of her arms were severely mangled and had to be amputated.

“I couldn’t tell that she didn’t have any arms when I stopped her,” the teacher, who has asked to remain anonymous, said. “But I had to stand firm on my decision to dress code her. No exceptions. Not even for amputees.”

“When I was asked if my shorts were fingertip length, I did not really know what to do,” Lier said.

After a few minutes of trying to figure out how to handle the situation, the teacher decided to find a student of similar stature to Lier. The teacher had the random student, Joey Head, stand next to Lier and extend his arm down her side.

“Yeah I had to stand shoulder to shoulder with Lier,” junior Head said. “Her stub touched my arm, which was weird.”

“We actually had to ask another student to put his arm down my side and do the fingertip test for me,” Lier said. “And sure enough, his fingers exceeded the length of my shorts.”

Lier was sent to the office to call her mother to bring her a change of clothes. Luckily, she was only given a warning this time.

“I will definitely be more cautious next time,” Lier said. “It was extremely careless of me to wear such short shorts.”

DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical article. All characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblances to real people are unintentional.